THIS is the day that the Lord has made-

Fifteen years ago I was on my way to watch a KU basketball scrimmage when my friends' dad got a call and drove me home in his truck.  (You know a funny thing- my dad now owns that truck, and has for years.  I've never gotten in it without thinking of that ride back to Bendena.)  

My aunt died that day.  She lost won her battle with cancer and went on Home ahead of us all.  I couldn't have lost anyone closer to me outside of my immediate family.  And my uncle, and cousins, and grandma, and mom...  it was rough. 

She was 38.  Only eight years older than me. 

I miss her.  I wish I could know her as my adult-self.

But I can still hear her laugh.  I can still see her walking and talking with Mom, and rocking Brian, and sneaking me ice cream while the boys napped.  I remember shopping with her (ugh.) and lots of bike rides.  Park hopping.  She and my mom would strap all 4 kids in the back of her tiny brown Toyota and drive 30 minutes to get groceries.  I never wondered (until now) where in the world did the groceries fit?!  She called me Bec, and Rebecky, and Big Ears.  

I sing my own babies songs that she sang to us: Rock'a My Soul, and Do Lord, to name a couple. I hear her laugh in mine once in awhile. And somehow in my friendship with my own mom, I feel connected to my aunt.

I know how proud she would be of her boys.  They are good, godly men- like their dad.  Her second grandchild is due later this year.  One day, oh what a reunion they'll have!

A few years after she passed away, I heard my cousin, Kevin (her oldest son), give his testimony to a chapel full of campers. He talked about God turning mourning into dancing, and although I had heard that verse before- I had even used it when talking about my aunt!- it was somehow so much more powerful coming from him.  And it was like the Lord opened my eyes and I KNEW deep deep down that it was absolutely TRUE.  God uses even horrible things for good.  He turns our mourning- our deepest sadnesses into dancing- overflowing joy.  He really does. 

I am so thankful that I knew her for 15 years.  And that all those memories have lasted.  I am so thankful that she loved the Lord and was so at peace with life and death- and that we'll all get to see her again.  Some glad morning.

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.